Gratitude

Earlier this week I was reminded of the early days of Mahalo Massage NYC.  It may come as a surprise to some of you but I’ve been married before and it is because of my ex I was able to start my business.  Though he and I don’t have a relationship anymore it’s taken me some time to make peace with my memories of him.  As I do, gratitude is coming through instead.    

When I first married never did I have the intention of it being a first to be followed by a second.  The ending of that marriage was the beginning of the evolution of understanding that quite often anger and all its supposed justifying reasons are no more than a cover for a truth not ready to be confronted.   It was approximately 7 months before I realized I was mourning not the marriage but the huge dent in my ego from being the one left behind.  Though I realized it was my ego that hurt more than a marriage worth salvaging I still struggled with animosity towards my ex for years.  

Recently I dreamed of this ex husband.  I don’t know whether my ex is holding on to me and I’m psychically picking up the signal or I’m holding on to him still with unresolved anger.   When I reviewed the dream later in the day a disparaging thought about him bloomed.  Surprising to me, I stopped in the middle of the thought and sent him wishes of love and joy instead.  After I sent him these wishes I was able to think about my ex with ease and put thoughts of him down altogether.  Though I did not consciously shift gears on this thought I think it may have been possible because of the love and joy I’m cultivating in my life now.  Perhaps I can dissolve the need for resolution of my anger with positive intent instead.

Maybe I don’t need to resolve my anger.  Maybe there isn’t a resolution.  As Aubrie kindly insights, animosity/anger and gratitude are opposites, which means they are actually just two ends of a spectrum.  They are the same base emotion, just different degrees.  I was able to swing to the other side and alter my experience of emotions towards my ex.  To take it a step further if one can practice that enough, the need for resolution will be neutralized.

It is because of my ex that I was able to start my business and have a place to share these words with you.  For this I am grateful.  Mahalo